Thursday, May 28, 2009

It's Thursday already?

Hope everyone had a nice holiday weekend. I'm fond of holidays not just because of the holiday itself, but because when you go to work feeling like it's Monday, it's actually Tuesday! Already! And that lasts all week! Awesome.

Back to the plumbing: I'm nearly done with round one of the testing. I had a saline ultrasound this morning, the details of which I will draw a veil over because it sucked like a gold-plated Hoover. It was worse than the HSG. (Of course, I had Val*ium for the HSG, which I'm sure explains a lot.) Next Tuesday I have bloodwork and another regular ultrasound, next Friday I have an MRI, and then I'm (theoretically) done.

Based on today, the doctor thinks I have polyps or fibroids, which may or may not be correctable with surgery. I dunno; I'll find all this out after the MRI. If they're easily fixed, maybe I'll do it. But if it's not an easy thing, and isn't necessary for my general overall health, I think that means I go back down the adoption route. We'll see.

I have a lot of admiration for women who go through years and years of this kind of poking and prodding to figure things out and get things fixed. This is not fun. The only reason I haven't thrown my hands up and started working on my home study is that I am stubborn. As in really stubborn. I've started down this road, and like hell I'm not going to find out what's at the end of it, even if it's misery along the way.

(This is possibly an excellent explanation for my success in the relationship department.)

So I'm nearly down this particular section of the road. We'll see if it's a dead end, or if there's some kind of reason to continue.

Friday, May 22, 2009

The Modern Wing

Photos from the new Modern Wing at the Art Institute of Chicago. Glorious.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Testing, testing

Last week: Nurse Practitioner P (who tells me about the HSG results indicating lousy plumbing) says to call when I start my period; there are tests to be performed on specific days of my cycle (see previous entry) and they'll schedule me once they know what Day One is.

This week: Get my period. Call. Nurse Practitioner P-- the same one:

- Tries to schedule me for another HSG
- I tell her I've had the HSG and remind her of the tests I've been told I need, thus the reason for my call
- Talks about scheduling me for an ultrasound which doesn't sound like the specific type of ultrasound I was told that I need
- Tells me that we'll probably be doing an ins*mination next week if all looks well. This would be difficult, given that I'm 1) not done with the testing and thus 2) have not been given the go-ahead to buy the sp*erm, not to mention 3) the plumbing doesn't look good THUS THE ADDITIONAL TESTING. Whose chart are you looking at, lady?
- Backs off this last statement without sounding like she's actually found the orders for what testing I DO need
- Has a long conversation with me to discuss what kinds of prescriptions I need, which turn out to be for the HSG... which I've already had... which she's trying to schedule me for AGAIN.
- I tell her, again, that I have had the HSG, and again remind her of the tests I've been told I need
- Schedules me for bloodwork and an ultrasound, hangs up.

I know I need the bloodwork, so we're good there. Thinking about it, though, I called back later and left a message, asking to confirm if I had been scheduled for the right kind of ultrasound-- I do not want a test I don't need, nor do I want to miss a window to take the test I DO need.

Didn't hear back. Left another message today. Finally got a call back, and there are TWO kinds of ultrasounds I need; the saline one needs to be done next week. I can schedule that tomorrow morning, I think.

I've scheduled my MRI, so I'm doing my part. Argh. Sick of this, and hate missing work. Plus not everything can be done on the same day, so I'm missing bits and pieces of different days. Joy.

** **

Work is insanity cubed right now-- we're merging with another firm, and all the records requests and various reports/due diligence things are exhausting. It's fun to be busy, though. With the economy and with waiting to hear what was going to happen with the merger, things were really quiet for a while. I was very, very caught up on filing! It may be chaos, but I'd always rather be busy.

I have meetings Tuesday/Wednesday relative to the merger, and I won't be getting any kind of agenda until sometime this Friday... so I anticipate working over the holiday weekend. Whee. Because of this, my plan is to sneak out a bit early tomorrow with my new camera and snap some pictures of an amazing new building. Watch this space!

Monday, May 18, 2009

Bringing you up to date on the plumbing

So, if you're running into this blog for the first time, you might want to back up and read from the beginning. Don't worry. There are only a few posts, so I'll just wait for a minute. Go ahead.

::taps fingers::

There! This post will make more sense now.

I mentioned a couple of posts ago that while I was investigating being a single mom through natural means (by "natural," read "pregnancy through sp*erm bank"), the plumbing wasn't looking so good.

So far, I've had one test: an HSG. This was not especially fun, although they did give me a Vali*um, and I have discovered that Vali*um starts working on me in, literally, ten minutes. Also, I then get really chatty at about 15 minutes. They don't mention these things in the "side effects" paperwork you get from the drug store, but my new best friend whatsername at the registration desk can attest to all of the above.

(I suspect I should take V on my next date, and things will be much more entertaining.)

Anyway, the results were not what they were hoping for. Looks like I'm oddly shaped, and possibly not open and welcoming. (Ha!) Now, to further explore/confirm the initial results, I get to have an MRI and a saline ultrasound. (Because the chick with the speculum issues really wants as much action in that area as possible. More V, please.)

I went into this process with two primary thoughts: one, that I was glad I have good health insurance, and that it was early enough in the year that I could get this all done on one deductible. Second, while I was interested in finding out if it was even possible for me to get pregnant, I didn't really care all that much. Adoption continues to be an option, and while I know it's not an easy road for a single woman, what is?

So when I talked to the nurse practitioner about my HSG results, and she said in a nasal voice "Well, it doesn't look so good," I was surprised at how disappointed I was, despite everything my little rational mind-voice had been saying all along. My stomach fell a few miles, my little rational mind-voice hid under the couch, and I felt bluer than I had any right to feel.

I guess no woman likes to hear there's something (potentially) wrong with her. It's ironic, too, that after years of not wanting to get pregnant, I finally think about it and find out it might not have been possible in the first place.

There's testing still to be done. But while I'm normally a glass half-full kind of person, I'm taking the half-empty approach in this case.

I don't think I want to get my hopes up any more at the moment.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Supporting the economy

I have a bright shiny new camera! I ordered it online, and it was here nearly overnight for less than I'd pay at my local megalectronics store.

If I can figure out how to actually work it, I suspect there may be pictures posted.

It's a gorgeous day here, though I only got in one long walk with Dog to enjoy it. I'm off now to help set up for an event at church, and then I have to hurry home, pretty up, and drive (and drive, and drive) to my goddaughter's dance recital.

I have more time to be lazy tomorrow, but the weather's not supposed to be as nice. C'est la vie.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Mini bio, and why I'm here

You've gotta love that I made sure to put up the blog rules before I actually did any kind of substantive posting, hm? You would perhaps assume I have some experience in how messy blog commenting can get. You would perhaps be correct.

At some point, I'll move the guts of this over to my profile, but I figured if I am going to start up a blog, I should let people know who I am and why I'm blogging.

I'm a single woman, over 40, and I'm going to be a mom. I am looking at both adoption and artificial means. I actually prefer adoption (there are so many children who need homes), but am having things checked out (seeing if the plumbing is in working order, so to speak) just to find out if that route is a possibility.

The plumbing's not looking so good at the moment, so I'm glad that adoption has always been a really exciting and positive idea for me.

I'd initially thought a blog would be a good way to keep everyone in my life up-to-date with progress. I've backed off that a bit (knowing myself, the topic drift could get tricky depending on who's reading this!), though I will share this blog with a number of people I trust.

I've really started this for two main reasons:

1. To keep track of things. I am going to be a single parent, one way or another, and children love stories of their origin. Someday, this may serve that purpose. With, probably, some judicial editing. (See above re: "topic drift.")

2. To connect with others in the same or similar situations. There's a huge network out there of people, with their stories and experience and support. Single motherhood is not and will never be easy; I figure the more people I have on my side-- even virtually-- the better!

I look at the points above and laugh, knowing that things will change over time. That's cool.

More to come. With my usual impeccable timing I've started this-- this blog and all the testing that goes with checking out the plumbing-- right when I have very little time. So I'll get things up here in dribs and drabs, as I'm able.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Rules of the (blog) road

I thought Blogger let you set up a good full-bodied reference page, but they don't. So I'll do a post instead.

The Rules of the Blog

They're short and simple.

- If you know me in real life, please respect the thin layer of privacy I've got here (pseudonyms, etc.). Please do not share this URL with anyone without my permission, and please do not link back to me from other online forums. (Yes, I know it's technically "fora." But usage has made "forums" acceptable. See? Something else you have to look forward to-- grammar and punctuation rants!)

- I am aware that being a single mom is a completely bizarre choice to many people. I realize that single parenthood can be controversial. I also understand that my political and religious views (not to mention my taste in shoes) might not be to everyone's liking, and by putting all this out there and being honest about it, I'm opening things up to opposing viewpoints.

Good. All are welcome here. Part of having a blog is, hopefully, engaging with others from all over the place. Whatever you think of me or of my choices, or of those that comment here, I welcome constructive criticism and polite disagreement. (I'm also a big fan of fawning adoration. FYI.)

However, if you're here just to bash me or any of my commenters, I will ban your ass faster than you can say "international adoption."

Long as we have all that settled, let's get on to other things.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Getting settled in

Still figuring out the templates and links and blah blah yadda yadda, so if you've stumbled upon me, please consider this a work in progress.

More to come.