Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Know your limitations

Things I am not and will never be

1. A model.

2. Skinny like a model.

3. Patient.

4. Patient like Caill0u's mother.  Or any of the adults on that godforsaken show.  They are calm, patient and loving even when I (or any real-life parent, I suspect) would be shrieking like a crazed harpy.  They’d probably just laugh warmly and say “Oh, Call0u!” if he accidentally set off a nuke.

5. Rich.

6. Someone who cooks each meal from scratch using only wholesome organic ingredients.  ("Just whip up a couple of batches over the weekend!" Bitch, please.  You are obviously married and/or have household help.  Or you have a child that takes three-hour naps.  Or all of the above.)

7. Good at going to bed early.  We’ve been having some two-year-old sleep regression at Casa Plus One, and by the time she’s down, I have so little time to myself that I am reluctant to go to bed.  I need to get over that.  Sleep = health = really, really important.

Speaking of #7, yawn.

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